I’ve hit a few bumps along the way. Some good bumps actually.
I started my Master’s program in Counseling and Guidance in January 2019, moved apartments, started my own online coaching business…yeah, I’ve got a lot on my plate.
I’ve also had my down moments. I’ve noticed my mental health rapidly declining over the months, which is scary to experience.
You think that you’ll never get up at a point where things feel hopeless. You think “Ah, I handle everything”. That a big fat NOPE from me.
I had the mentality that I can handle it all and have my sh*t together. I didn’t realize how bad I would bury the things that bother me deep inside my mind. It was unhealthy for me to do that. I’m still trying to overcome this.
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Getting into grad school, I was a bit prepared that it was going to take a lot of work, time, and effort by also balancing work and a barely visible social life. But I didn’t realize how much effort (mental and emotional effort) I would have to put into this program. I’m on my second semester into the program and I’ve never been more mentally and emotionally drained.
I’m constantly thinking if this is the right path for me. If this is what I’m meant to accomplish and be in life.
I doubt myself constantly and feel pretty stupid compared to my other classmates. I do this to myself all the time and it’s tiring.
Through all of this, I began to lose myself. I’ve begun to forget who I am and the things that I love doing. I literally forgot WHY I loved blogging in the first place.
I see blogging as a way to connect with others, make new friendships, to literally not feel like I’m alone in this world.
I’m sure a lot of people can relate to this so this is what I chose to blog because I don’t want others to feel like they’re going through something alone.
I kind of drifted a little bit in my blog but I need to remind myself as to why I decided to do this blog: I want to reach others, be my own boss, actually have some control in my life. We grow through some rocky patches and hey, sometimes it’s rough.
I feel like I’m on some dirt road somewhere taking a detour of life; a very uncomfortable detour. I feel like I’m just going with the flow of everything nowadays.
I feel like I don’t have control of anything and it’s draining.
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I am writing this to let people know that I get how you feel. It sucks that no matter how amazing life is, whether it be having that job you always wanted, your independence and freedom, your social life is booming, you have an amazing family and beautiful relationships…it all doesn’t matter when your mental health is struggling.
I am not saying that I am 100% better cause I’m far from that. I feel like I’ve finally become aware of what I need to work on and find something that brings me joy, which got me thinking about my blog.
When I was consistent with my uploads, it felt like the few people that I got to reach, I was able to impact them in some way, and that hopefully, I made someone smile.
Blogging is still something that I would love to make my full-time job one day but I’m tired of feeling sad and not being able to have control over the things in my life.
I need my sense of control back and this is how I’m going to do it.
To those who feel like they don’t know what their purpose is, what their “why” is, I’m on the same boat.
It’s okay, it’s normal to feel like you should have everything figured out but I can guarantee you that everybody else feels the same way, no matter how confident they sound or how they present themselves.
Life throws us some shi**y things that we feel like they’re impossible to overcome. One thing that I learned is to take it one step at a time.
Be in the moment and forget about the future cause the future is gonna happen regardless of how we feel, so might as well be in the now and trust that things will all work out.
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But on the bright side, I’ve learned a lot of things this year too and I would like to share it with you guys:
Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
This was something that stood out to me beginning my graduate program. Change is such an uncomfortable process.
If change was made easy, everybody would do it.
It explains why people choose to be complacent with their lives because they don’t like the feeling that change brings, even if the change will benefit them because change is hard.
I realized that I was being complacent with the way things were in my life and not things will be different.
I’d welcome change as a new phase in life. Like a new chapter for better things.
It’s scary as hell but I know that it will bring on new opportunities. Opportunities for growth and exploration. Embrace the uncomfortableness and whatever it is that you crave, will come to you.
You’re not a burden.
I’ve always felt like I just bother people when literally, I’m just breathing. I’m just existing. I catastrophize and irrationalize everything like it’s my job.
If it were a job, honey, I’d be stacking haha.
I make stuff up in my mind that isn’t true but yet, I still manage to convince myself that these things that I construed in my mind are true.
Our little inner critique can easily beat us down. We need to be kinder to ourselves because there’s only one of you and you wouldn’t want to be wasting your life putting yourself down. It’s so easy to compliment and be kind to others, why can’t it be the same for yourself?
In this day and age, mental health is extremely important. If your mental health suffers, everything else (physical, emotional, social, and spiritual) will follow suit.
Don’t let that happen to you. You don’t deserve that little critique in your head to run your life.
Remember, the right people will come and bring out the best in you and you will realize that you were never a burden to begin with. There are people that enjoy your company and appreciate you just sitting there, by just literally breathing and existing.
Even when things are out of control, you still have control.
There are situations where things are out of our control and we may think that there is no way to be able to change that.
Despite having to experience the inevitable, you still have control. You have control over how you PERCEIVE your situation. The way we react to those situations that are out of our control, IS having control!
If you succumb to the things that are out of your control, you are letting it (whatever it may be) control you. Don’t let that happen to you.
You do have control. It takes being mindful to know what things we can control.
Like literally, breathe.
Sometimes we get overwhelmed by everything that’s going on that we don’t take at least 5 minutes to center ourselves. Life gets hectic at times and we NEED to have our “me” time to get away from all the chaos.
Personally, what I do is that I try to find the positives or something that made me smile that day and I will write it down in my journal. This is just something that helps me be more mindful about what I should really be focusing on instead of focusing on the negative.
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Until next time,